A gossip betrays confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much, Proverbs 20,19.
Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down, Proverbs 26,20
Gossiping people are those with a lot of time to spare, maybe too much. They are always looking for others to spread gossip, rumors, secrets, and nasty lies about people without bothering to find out the truth or caring about it. They will lose credibility very quickly even among their friends and people will no longer trust them, but they can also hurt people, crush morale throughout the company, slow productivity, damage or ruin relationships, lives, and reputations.
If someone feels his or her reputation, character or career has been harmed, they may take legal actions for harassment and/or defamation against them. They may end up in jail or paying hefty fines.
How to deal with gossip & stop gossiping
- If you cannot keep a secret, don’t expect others to keep it as well. Don’t expect anyone to trust you and do not be surprised if you get a bad reputation for bad mouthing others.
- If your friends can’t keep a secret, don’t trust them anything you don’t want the world to know, do not tell them confidential, sensitive, or personal information.
- If you do so (‘You like playing with fire, don’t you?), you should state clearly that they are dealing with private and sensitive information, that you do not want to be public and acknowledge by anyone except him/her. Say it clearly and emphasize it!
- Think twice, bite your tongue before you gossip and spread rumors about others, especially online; you might find yourself being the target of gossip and feel alone, helpless, and victimized.
- If you are not going to say anything good, constructive, or positive about someone, do not say anything at all. Besides, what is private and confidential should remain so. We all make mistakes, have many flaws and shortcomings, and regret many things in our past. Let’s make the world a better place.
Gossiping and talking behind each other’s backs about their mistakes, words, and actions,and especially knowing how distorted, widespread, and out-of-control a rumour could get as it goes along the chain of person-to-person, how destructive gossip, rumors, and lies can be in lives, reputations, and relationships, is wrong, stupid -Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you-, and wicked.
- Before uploading any content, please consider your action’ implications and consequences, and do not upload any embarrassing or private photos or videos. Please do not write any rude, offensive, insulting, mean or hateful comments, tweets, or posts online.
- Be cool, kind, and a good friend, learn to keep secrets, and avoid starting rumours yourself.
- If someone is spreading rumours, try to change the subject (“I’m not interested in gossiping or slandering anyone”, “I don’t know and I don’t care. Let’s talk about something else.”), ignore it or confront them. You could tell them calmly and assertively that you do not want to talk about people who are not present. If that strategy does not work, walk away and leave. You may need to consider make new friends, change your circle of friends. More importantly, never ever add more fuel to the fire!
- Do not accept the gossip at face value. There are many exaggerations, distortions, manipulations, half-truths, and lies out there.
- If the gossip is about you, check your emotions and feelings. If you are angry to the point that you cannot control it. Stop, do not do or say anything when you are very angry because you cannot think straight. Act only when you are calm and in control of your senses! One of the most effective ways of getting rid of baseless rumours is by ignoring them. The gossip says less about you and more about the person spreading it, let your actions, results, deeds, and choices speak for themselves. Be true to yourself, stay true to your values, and keep going forward. If you know the source of the rumors, you may want to confront them, act confidently, be assertive, and not confrontational or judgemental.
If the problem continues, rumors, gossip, lies, teasing, and bullying are a frequent problem and make you feel like you may retaliate and fight back, talk first to an authority figure, such as a teacher, counselor, psychologist, mediator, conflict resolution specialist or principal.
Know you are not alone. We all make mistakes and have regrets about what we did or didn’t do. We have many regrets about the words we said, the decisions we made, but we are not our past mistakes and wrong decisions. We are our words, actions, and choices, what we do in the here and now and how we deal and grow from our past errors, flaws, and shortcomings, that is who we are and shows our true character.
