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Laugh with us: Jokes

Fighting for peace, is like f***ing for chastity.Stephen King

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

“Don’t follow your dreams, follow my twitter,#justtothepoint.”

If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
I don’t know what makes you so stupid. But it sure seems to work.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.


Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
A very wise man once said, “it is better to let people think you are stupid than to open your mouth and prove them right.


Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

I want to die like my grandpa, peaceful and in his sleep. - Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers in his car.


I am blonde, what is your excuse?
Q: What is a blonde’s favorite color? A: Glitter. Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a Ph.D. in Psychology? A: She’ll blow your mind, too.

Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: You just need to stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: You just need to stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

Likes and opinions are like butts, everyone’s got one and they all stink, but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to see it by any stretch of the imagination, Anawim, #justtothepoint.

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand, Emo Philips

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand, Emo Philips

The universe is made up of protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons! You are literally surrounded!

The universe is made up of protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons! You are literally surrounded!


There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can’t.

Two fortune tellers meet in the middle of Oxford Street. One says, You’re fine, how am I?

“A guy went to visit a fortune-teller: (POM, POM.) -Who is it?” And the customer thought to himself, -This fortune-teller sucks-, and went away.


Are you superstitious? -No, because it brings you bad luck.

Hitler and his generals are going over his plans for the “final solution”, and Hitler stated, “I’m going to kill 6 million Jews and a clown.
One of his generals was very bewildered and asked him why they were going to kill a clown. Hitler, with a big slimy smile, replied, “See! I told you, no one cares about the Jews!

Warning: I care a lot about Jews! I love them and we all deserve to live in peace and prosperity. I am just trying to have some fun in this crazy world.

I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial, Irvin S. Cobb.

He had delusions of adequacy, Walter Kerr.

He had delusions of adequacy, Walter Kerr.

Don’t cite Wikipedia in an academic paper or presentation. Cite its sources!

Where did the little girl go during the explosion? -Everywhere!

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