Laugh with us: Computers and Technology

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning, Rick Cook.

• Smartphone, smartphone on a stick, who has the fairest profile pic?

• The only sure way to make a computer go faster is to throw it out the window.

• Google before your tweet!

• You are the CSS to my HTML

.push-up-bra{
  margin-top: -25%;
  overflow: visible;
}
.wife{
  right: 100%;
  margin: 0;
}
.titanic{
  float: None;
}
.fear{
  display: None;
}

• When I wrote this code, Only God and I knew what I did, Now only God does!

• Be strong! I whispered to my WiFi signal.

• There’s life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.

• -Hey! It compiles! -Ship it!

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man, and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment,Warren G. Bennis.

• There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

• A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

  The husband puts, “Mypenis,” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”

• Unix is user-friendly. It’s just very selective about who its friends are.

• Fun in the Linux terminal: There is no place like ~; I mount my soul at /dev/null; rm -rf /bin/laden; sex, drugs, and UNIX/Linux. unixkcd is an interactive web interface for the webcomic xkcd resembling a Unix terminal. Comics can be browsed via the commands “first”, “prev”, “next”, and “last”.

• Insult users when they type in an incorrect password. 1. sudo visudo. 2. Add this line at the top: Defaults insults. 3. Empty the cache (it invalidates the user’s cached credentials entirely): sudo -k. 4. Mistype your password: sudo ls.
• Linux Easter Eggs. You may want to try:

> make love
make: *** No rule to make target 'love'.  Stop.
> whatis linux
linux: nothing appropriate.
> aptitude moo 
There are no Easter Eggs in this program. 
> aptitude -v moo 
There really are no Easter Eggs in this program. 
> aptitude -vv moo
Didn't I already tell you that there are no Easter Eggs in this program?
> aptitude -vvvvv moo
All right, you win. 

Open the editor vim (you many need to install it: sudo apt install vim), vim and type: :help 42

What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything? 42, Douglas Adams, the only person who knew what this question really was about is now dead, unfortunately. So now you might wonder what the meaning of death is…

• Bash-insulter randomly insults you when you type a wrong command. 1. Download the bash-insulter script. 2. Copy the script to the /etc folder: sudo cp bash-insulter/src/bash.command-not-found /etc/. 3. Edit .bashrc (vim .bashrc) and add:

if [ -f /etc/bash.command-not-found ]; then 
  . /etc/bash.command-not-found 
fi 

user@pc:~$ pt

  Dropped on your head as a baby, eh?
  If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
  This is not Windows
  [...]

zsh: command not found: pt

• More ideas: xeyes, Xeyes watches what you do and reports to the Boss; aafire, it displays burning ASCII art flames, sudo apt install libaa-bin; oneko, it creates a cute cat chasing around your mouse cursor; you can kill the process by typing: pkill oneko; asciiquarium, it displays an aquarium/sea animation in ASCII art; tty-clock is a terminal digital clock; and boxes, it draws any kind of box around its input text, e.g., uname -a | boxes.

• Fun man pages: sudo apt install funny-manpages. Afterwards, you may want to try man baby, man celibacy, condom, woman (undocumented), sex…

• Fortunes (it prints a random, hopefully interesting, adage): sudo apt install fortunes fortunes-off (data files containing offensive fortune cookies) cowthink cowsay (configurable talking cow) cowsay-off (offensive cows), e.g., fortune -o | cowsay. Futhermore, cowsay -l lists out all cows or characters to choose from, and then you can tell cowsay which one to use: fortune -o | cowsay -f skeleton.

• Tease your friends by pretending to be a hacker: cmatrix: it simulates the display from “The Matrix”; hollywood turns your terminal into a Hollywood hacker interface (1. sudo add-apt-repository ppa:hollywood/ppa. 2 sudo apt update. 3. sudo apt install -y hollywood && hollywood).

• Cool “hacking” sites: GEEKTyper.com (Online Hacker Simulator), Fake Windows Update Screens, GeekPrank, and Hacker Typer.