The story goes that a public sinner was excommunicated and forbidden entry to the church. He took his woes to God. ‘They won’t let me in, Lord, because I am a sinner.’ -‘What are you complaining about?’ said God. ‘They won’t let Me in either.’ , Brennan Manning.
A man goes to a church with a large, very disproportionate knife which would instantly kill anyone it hit. The priest asks:
– How could you bring this weapon to the Lord’s House?
– I always take it with me just in case someone dares to contradict me. I hate people who disagree with me on literally anything. I am an atheist, are you a Christian?
– No, of course not and honestly, I wouldn’t advise it to you either.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam, George Carlin.
A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead.
A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side.
A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side.
Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: “Whoever did this to you needs some help".
“What’s black and white, black and white and black and white?”
A nun falling down the stairs.