The cost of lies

It’s better to be king of your silence than slave of your words, William Shakespeare.

Lies no matter how big or small always crack the very foundation of trust, Anonymous.

Read our free ebook A flying sandwich for a brief introduction to this important topic.

The liar is someone who cheats people, who intentionally deceives other people and creates confusion, who uses half-truths, untruths, and just plain false information, who hides relevant information about the issue being discussed.

What to do if someone lies to you?

• Firstly, you should consider that it is very difficult, I would say almost impossible, to conceal the truth: “Lies have short legs.”

How does it happen? A friend, your partner, an acquaintance, etc. may gossip about it behind your back. You may accidentally reveal it without thinking. Your non-verbal communication may betray you even before you speak: eye contact avoidance, restlessness, nervousness, body tension, stiff movements, touching the nose or ear, placing objects between you and them, etc.

Moreover, time will provide opportunities to bring out the truth. For example, a cheated woman may discover a recurring number on the phone bill; her husband may use another name to refer to someone or, even worse, to her; a family member, friend or acquaintance who have seen him with another woman walking, kissing or drinking a beer could warn her.

• When someone fools you, do not get angry. Keep calm and show that you are interested in discussing this in a civilized and respectful manner. If you are angry with someone who is in control of herself/himself, s/he can easily win the fight. On the contrary, show confidence and integrity, explain what you have observed assertively but respectfully, non-aggressively. Try to make her/him understand that this is wrong and wicked.

• If the liar persists in that behaviour, ignore him/her. Do you know why we have two ears? Lies and insults go through one ear and come out of the other.

Avoid telling lies because:

1. The truth will eventually come out sooner or later, and your reputation will be damaged.
2. Lying hurts you more than anyone else, nothing good comes from it, and people will hesitate to trust you again.

I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you, Friedrich Nietzsche.

4. Lying to a police officer, a doctor, a judge, etc. can make you get into a lot of trouble.
5. “A lie is like a snowball; the longer it goes on, the bigger it gets,” Martin Luther King. The liar sees with dismay and sadness how lying leads to more and bigger lies, they often get tangled up in an increasingly erratic and confusing communication from which is impossible to escape and conceal the truth_.
6. Keep your word and demonstrate personal integrity. On the contrary, no one will believe you when you really need them to, like in the fairy tale “The boy who cried wolf!” The boy tricked some villagers into thinking that a wolf was attacking his flock of sheep. However, when the wolf finally came, no one believed the boy when he cried out, and the wolf ate his flock (and in some versions the boy).

9. Lies are harmful and toxic. They can destroy relationships. They hurt those we love and care about the most.

In short, always tell the truth no matter what, so everyone will see that you are honest and trust-worthy. Thus, if any conflict arises, everyone will support you, they will believe your side of the story. This does not mean that you have to say everything you think, talk only about what is necessary, appropriate, relevant, and helpful: It’s better to be king of your silence than slave of your words.