Move forward

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward, Steve Maraboli.

So do not spend too much time dwelling on something, forget the “what ifs” (they are completely irrelevant), try to temper your excess emotions, stop being a drama queen or king, put the situation in perspective, focus on what you can control, and move forward. Let’s look at some examples:

• If your job is too stressful, difficult, uninteresting or the pay is not good enough, you should get a better education and/or find a new one before quitting. However, if you can’t be in the job you love, love the job you’re in or the way you do your job.

If the rest of your life (health, personal and romantic relationships, family, economical situation, etc.) is going well, understand that your life is multidimensional, count your blessings and accept the bitter truth that life is a constant struggle, stop complaining, and move on.

I insist, stop complaining bitterly and talking about how bad things are. It will only make matters worse, you and those around you will feel more and more unhappy, irritated, and stressed.

Do not blame yourself and focus on what you can do about it: earn extra money on the side; live within your means, a more minimalist lifestyle where you are able to enjoy the little things in life; improve your qualifications and skills set to be more employable, etc.

So instead of whining, be thankful you are employed and have stability at your work place. Many are not as lucky as you are. Count your blessings, gratitude is the antidote to frustration and makes us more resilient.

Fix what you can fix and find someone to talk to and help you: a mentor, a psychologist, a good friend, etc.

Enjoy life: Go out with friends; practice sports and outdoor activities; read a good book or audiobook; try new hobbies; attend a sporting or entertainment events, travel; join a church, a club, a meet-up group, or a sports team; learn something new that may help you acquire a new skill, challenge yourself to try something new and push a litter harder.

Try to emotionally distance yourself from your job. If you have a miserable job, it does not necessarily mean that you have to be miserable and depressed!

• If you are unemployed, you can become bitter and resentful by the economic crisis, the corruption of politicians, mass media bias and propaganda, and the lack of opportunities. Maybe you’re tempted to waste your time watching television, browsing social networks, playing videogames, gambling, etc. and, worse still, you may neglect your image and personal hygiene, gain weight at an alarming rate, take drugs or alcohol.

However, you should try to expand your horizons, look for new possibilities, review your skills and knowledge, and then, fill in the gaps. Maybe you could study (there are many free online courses you can take) and improve your chances of getting a job or starting your own business or a new project. Ask yourself honestly: is it the time for self-employment, a dramatic change of career or even migrating to another country in search of job opportunities and a better life?

Do not be arrogant. Think very carefully before you turn down a new job offer. If you are working, you are active. It can help you to meet new people and companies, it can also enhance your self-esteem and self-confidence, and typically you are more marketable because it is believed that “the good ones are still working,” “your skills get rusty after a long period of inactivity,” and “you are not as reliable because you are more likely to say anything to get the job when you are unemployed.”

• If you are sick, the first thing to do is, of course, to visit a physician or specialist and follow his or her advice and instructions.

Be sure to take advantage of those hours of pain and boredom by distracting and enjoying yourself in a hobby, and better yet, doing and learning new things that will not only distract you, but may potentially reduce stress and help you grow and acquire and/or practice new skills.

It is critical that you don’t overthink too much. Dwelling on your sickness certainly won’t make things better. Being happy and positive can help to boost your immune system and be an aid to your full recovery. Do not make big decisions in the midst of turmoil, it is better to wait and consider the matter later.

Some ideas are: listen to podcasts or audiobooks; watch educational videos or films and series in a foreign language; read a good book; if your computer is running slow, you could format its main hard drive and reinstall the operating system and its applications; try GNU/Linux and open source software; if it needs an upgrade, it may be the best time to do so; organize your paperwork and digital documents; make a whole backup of your system. You might also enjoy listening to music, doing puzzles, word games, or brain teasers, or playing chess online to help you keep your mind active. Indulge yourself on social media to expand your circle of friends, improve your security and privacy online, etc.

The essential idea is this, focus on what you can change: “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand,” said Randy Pausch, a professor in his last lesson.

Although he was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer with a life expectancy of less than a year, he decided to make the most of it: “If I don’t seem as depressed or morose as I should be, I’m sorry to disappoint you.” Showing great common sense and a radiating optimism, almost impossible to believe (“I’m dying and I’m having fun. And I’m going to keep having fun every day I have left because there’s no other way to play,”), he taught brilliantly about:

Success.

The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.

Love.

Gratitude.

Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other.

And especially about life and death.

The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have.

He squeezed as much as he could out of his life. He fought the disease with all his strength, cared for his family and was very useful to society, not only by living an exemplary life and delivering an awe inspiring speech, but also by going to Congress and asking for more funding for research into pancreatic cancer.