They ask me why I’m so quiet. […] I have a lot to say, but I keep quiet cause they won’t listen anyway, Anonymous.
There are some people who hear but don't listen, or refuse to listen to anything that anyone is saying. They may be too prideful or arrogant, and think they know better, but that does not mean they do. Maybe, they just don’t care or bother to listen.
Nowadays, many people do not seem to have time to listen to their partners, friends, relatives, or coworkers’ opinions, concerns, and points of views. Some people are just too busy and stressed. They have not enough time for anything anymore because they are overloaded with tasks, responsibilities, and problems.
What can you do about it?
- It is very important to accept the most basic rule. The person is not going to change. I insist, just face it, you are not going to change him or her. Accept this fact. Recognize and accept them as they are.
- Breathe deeply, keep calm, and do not lose your temper.
- Be the change you wish to see in the world. Be kind, show patience, practice active listening and empathy in order to build trust and good vibes in your communication and relationships. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
One of the reasons people may not be listening to you is because you don’t listen to them or you are not paying them enough attention.
- If people do not listen to you, maybe it’s not their fault. Perhaps you are whining, complaining or talking too much. Are you constantly interrupting and being rude to others? Besides, people generally don’t listen to those they don’t trust or believe, to those they dislike or try to deceive them with empty talk. Are you talking the talk or walking the walk? Are you an asset or a liability?
- Be flexible and open-minded, show respect for others’ opinions and points of views
- Choose the right place and appropriate moment to talk. Timing is everything. Do not bring up important topics when either of you is stressed, engaged in other tasks that required your or their attention, tired or having a bad day. Check with your partner, colleague, relative or friend if it’s a good time to talk before going ahead with your topic.
- Focus on one topic at a time. Do not overwhelm them with too much information, bringing up all your problems or concerns simultaneously.
- Make sure to speak clearly and concisely, do not ramble or repeat yourself. Keep it simple, relevant, and interesting. Know your facts and figures, confirm they are accurate, and avoid sounding unsure and doubtful.
Try to talk and explain things in a way that can be understood and made sense of by your audience.
- When you find an appropriate time and place to discuss the problem, you may want to talk to them tactfully and sensitively, take a reflective, active listening, not confrontational or judgemental and collaborative approach, and try to resolve the problem with dialogue. Try to make them understand that their communication style is not a productive one because without real listening and willingness to learn from others, without being able to change one’s mind and alter course, adapt, and compromise, dialogue cannot exist, it ends up as a series of monologues. Explain to them that effective communication is the key to personal and professional success, and meaningful relationships.
- There will always be people who hear yet don’t listen, who look but don’t see, they just don’t get it and never will. They are just there, standing right in front of you, thinking what they’re going to say next. They simply listen with the intention to reply rather than understanding the other person’s perspective. Let them go, consider this dialogue as an useless endeavor. Effective communication requires more than an exchange of information, it is about active listening, empathy, negotiation, and compromise.
Listen, smile, and turn around. They’re the loud minority, don’t give them too much thought.
- Read our article Listening Skills to learn ways to improve your listening skills, such as keep silent, stop talking, maintain eye contact, and focus on what the other person is saying to you; remove distractions and noise; do not judge or criticize anyone; show them that you care by active listening, offering sympathy and understanding, etc.
