How to deal with difficult people

I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be, Anonymous.

We all know difficult people, complicated people who make us feel uncomfortable, angry, or even miserable. People who are fussy, impatient, selfish, violent, perfectionist, bossy, etc. Toxic people who love playing the blame game, who doubt, question, and criticize our actions and decisions constantly.

How to deal with difficult people

We already know what we are talking about, the key question is what can we do about it?

1. It is very important to accept the most basic rule. The person is not going to change. I insist, just face it, you are not going to change him or her. Accept this fact.

2. Besides, we should never put ourselves on the same level or get into open confrontation with difficult people. There is an old saying that goes like this: “Two do not fight if one does not want to.” In a merciless war everyone loses, but maybe we will lose more than they will. Why? To put it simply, because these guys are more comfortable with confrontation and conflict than others, and you will probably find yourself in an uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and hostile territory where you are not in control and are likely to get your fingers burned. Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Never fight with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig will love it

3. If you find yourself in a situation where you do not control the situation or your emotional state, get out, retrieve. Trust me on this, you’re far better off just leaving them or taking a break and getting out of the situation because it is better a tactical retreat than an outright defeat.

4. It is infinitely more productive to learn how to deal with them. You should also consider that we are all a little bit weird, complicated, and difficult or, at least, we all have ups and downs, lights and shadows in our lives and sometimes we are difficult to deal with, too. Thus, learning to deal with difficult people is as tricky as it is important. There are two basic strategies.

5. The first one is to always stay in control of your emotions at all times, i.e., be calm, cool, and do not lose you temper.

6. The second strategy is to actively listen to them or, in other words, listen to them with attention and even empathy because behind completely inappropriate and unacceptable styles of communication and behavior, some truth is often hidden, solid and rational arguments, useful and valuable ideas could be found, and someone who wants to tell us something, who wants us to understand how important and vital the problem, the situation, or the conflict is for him or her.

7. In some occasions, you may need to go one step further, and do something about it. Then, make sure that what you say or propose takes their ideas, opinions, and concerns on board. By doing so, you will prove to them that you value their views, ideas, and opinions as very important to solve the problem.

   Furthermore, the point of your response should not be destructive criticism, nor playing the blaming game, but to seek solutions, open bridges of dialogue and negotiation to move forward. Search for an agreement and compromise where both parties win something, and commit to its implementation. Avoid empty words and rhetoric that are not followed by actions. Your words must be followed by actions that demonstrate your sincerity and personal integrity, and thus, manage to solve or, at least, alleviate the problem or conflict.