How to deal/stop being a compulsive-talkative

It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it, Maurice Switzer.

The compulsive-talkative person issomeone who talk excessively, unable to wait their turn. They may say everything that comes to their mind with no filter and have no discretion at all. They are constantly interrupting conversations. They have an opinion about every subject, a comment on every issue under discussion, and they do not let people get on with their work. They make people waste their time with unwelcome remarks and comments.

How to deal with them

• Sooner or later, you will need to talk to him/her and politely, but assertively tell them that they are wasting people’s time in the office, school, etc. Besides, everyone else thinks the same way we do, but no one has dared to tell them. Speak firmly, yet respectfully, about this problem and how to overcome it.

• As with other people whom you may need to say something that’s painful to hear, you should use the sandwich technique. The idea is to say (sandwich) the negative feedback, the difficult message to be delivered (“you are wasting our time miserably,” “you talk too much,” “you do not let people get on with their work”) between two pieces of positive feedback or complements (“You know that I consider you to be a good friend of mine, someone who cares about the team, someone who can be trusted,” “your opinions are important to us,” “I like you. I’m not attacking you nor insulting you. I do value your input and vision immensely. I really appreciate everything you do for us.”). It is about softening or lessening the blow, providing a balanced feedback, and (many argue) making the receiver more likely to listen and accept our negative feedback.

  Ideally, the difficult person will be much more receptive and s/he will not be on the defensive.

  
  
  When you criticize someone, be honest, courageous, and true, but also be tactful and sensitive.

• Keep it short and simple, and make your criticism as positive and constructive as possible. It is about constructive criticism, healthy and sincere dialogue, and building a friendly relationship together. Be humble and careful because we all have many flaws and shortcomings, and we all make many mistakes along the way.

  Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? Don’t be a hypocrite. First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye, Matthew 7:1-5.

  

   

How to stop being a compulsive-talkative

• If you are a compulsive talker, ask more questions instead of giving answers or rushing to give your advice, avoid interrupting when someone else speaks, and listen when other people talk instead of thinking about what you want to say next.
• Besides, pay attention and learn to read social cues and non verbal communication while you are talking. If people start to look around, fidget, yawn or check their watches or smartphones or even worse, leave and walk away, stop talking.
• Think before you speak. Only talk when you have something new, valuable, and relevant to say. Avoid gossiping, whining, and talking too much. It leads to careless mistakes and all kind of problems in life, being silent is safe.
• Value silence. Silence is the best answer to someone who doesn’t value your words. Silence is both essential and wisdom, but few practice it. It encourages others to speak, shows respect for them, and gives you time to think, to consider an answer before responding. It makes it easier for you to ensure you don’t say something you may regret.
• Identify and treat underlying issues, such as bipolar disorder, narcissist personality disorder, schizophrenia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, low self-esteem, insecurity, anxiety, stress, etc. Therapy could be a good idea, you may want to seek help from a mental health professional.