Be positive II

Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you, Walt Whitman

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill, Buddha

A positive explanatory style should be applied when we interact with our friends, family members, and acquaintances. For example, I have a friend that used to tell me “The Blessed Mother will always appear to every fool” whenever I achieved something or did something right.

In other words, he stated that my good results and accomplishments were pure luck, they were basically random events, temporary and external, and therefore, not likely to happen again. This behavior is not advisable. On the contrary, it is better to be optimistic and provide positive explanations which are:

• Permanent: “This salary increase rewards me for taking on greater and more difficult duties and responsibilities than those in my previous position. It is the first major achievement of many successes yet to come,” “Such a tender and sincere kiss demonstrates that this is a meaningful, long-term relationship and she will be the one.”
• Global: “This result gives me the motivation and momentum to work towards the next goal, and it will create a positive snowball effect throughout the whole year,” “I have been able to pass one of the most difficult and intimidating subjects in Computer Science, so I feel confident that I can get my bachelor’s degree.”
• Personal: “I think I’ve passed the exam because I have improved my study skills quite a lot, and now I have the willpower and determination to be well prepared and not to leave anything to chance.” “This relationship is the real deal because we share everything and love each other unconditionally.”

We are -or should be- positive and confident about our possibilities and potential. Besides, we should also feel positive about our friends and family members and see their true potential- no matter how many problems may arise!

If they tell you about a positive outcome, make sure that:

1. Listen to them actively and empathetically.

   

2. Provide them with active and positive feedback. For example, if your kids have achieved good marks, you could say something like: “I’ve always believed that if you put in the necessary work, results will come/you’re guaranteed to be successful!” “You made it! I am so proud of you. It proves that you are working very hard and making a lot of progress. Let’s celebrate it!”

   If you have a friend who has overcome a complicated situation in his relationship: “I always knew that you should both be together. Your love is so great and sincere that there is no obstacle that you cannot overcome.” If a friend has finally got the perfect job: “You really deserve it! You’re such a hard worker, fast learner, and able to work in a variety of settings and roles.”

3. Try to maintain eye contact (not too much) and preferably show your joy physically: nod, smile, give him/her a hug or a kiss, etc.

Normally, we focus and even bask in the negative side of things. Therefore, it makes a lot of sense to congratulate ourselves on our own and our friends' successes, celebrate them, offer our friends and family members our optimistic and positive view of things, and thank them for helping and supporting us.